Are you nervous about your first date and looking for a conversation starter? Ask these first date questions to break the ice.
Looks may be the main reason you decided to go on your first date with someone you really don’t know. But romance isn’t just about physical appearance and style. Also, since it’s about communication, if you don’t want your first date to end quickly, you need to continue the conversation. Once you have completed the basic introduction, you may wonder what to ask and how you can get a better idea of your potential romantic partner. Your first date can be the beginning of something new and exciting, if you ask the right questions. Don’t know what to ask on your first date? Experts share first date questions that will help you break the ice.
Why is the first date usually troublesome?
Potential romantic partners can accurately perceive each other’s unique personality profiles during their first date, according to a study published in the 2020 Journal of Research in Personality. But at first, the first date can feel a bit nasty, and for good reason. Our brains and emotions become overdrive when we meet new people we may love romantically. “We really want to make a good impression. It can make us nervous and stressful,” says Dr Chandni Tugnai, psychotherapist and life coach.
This tension may cause us to behave differently than usual. So we may talk too little or feel clumsy. Also, I don’t know if other people like us or if they’re doing well. We are trying to understand them, but we are trying to show our best. Doing both at once can be very difficult.
Remember, a bit of awkward things are normal and what happens to most people. “Knowing why your first date can be awkward can help you become kind to yourself, have more realistic expectations and make the experience a bit more troublesome,” says the expert.
What is the first date question to ask someone?
The conversation is important for the first date. A 2004 survey published in Communication Research found participants who went on their first dates where their dating partner was expected to communicate intimately when they were close friends. When their dating partner was a casual acquaintance, they didn’t have the same expectations. So if you’re dating someone you know, there’s a mix of questions that cover easy and meaningful topics. Here are some questions to ask on your first date to get to know someone better:
1. What’s the most exciting thing about your job?
This question shows interest in their careers while allowing them to share what they are passionate about.
2. What do you want to do when you’re not working? :
It may reveal hobbies and interests and reveal shared activities.
3. What was the last book you really enjoyed?
It provides insight into their intellectual interests and reading habits.
4. If you could go anywhere right now, which city or country would you choose?
It reveals their sense of adventure and the destination of their dreams.
5. What are your favorite childhood memories?
It encourages personal story sharing and gives insight into their background.
6. What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
It shows what they value and takes into account important life lessons.
7. What are your thoughts on a perfect weekend? :It helps you understand their lifestyle preferences and what they find relaxing and enjoyable.
8. Are you really proud?
This question allows them to share their achievements and encourage positive conversations.
9. What is the rarest food you’ve ever tried?
It reveals their openness to new experiences and culinary adventures.
10. If you could have dinner with someone from another era, who would it be?
It provides insight into their interest in history, politics, or culture.
11. After a long day, what is your favorite way?
It helps you understand stress management and relaxation preferences.
12. What skills do you want to learn?
It reveals areas of aspirations and interest that they have not yet explored.
13. What is the best concerts and shows you have ever been to?
It reveals your music and entertainment preferences and memorable experiences.
14. If you could become an expert on one topic or subject, what would it be? It shows their intellectual curiosity and what they are interested in.
15. What is your favorite family tradition?
It provides insight into their family life and personal values.
16. What is the most spontaneous thing you have done in your life?
It reveals their adventurous side and their openness to new experiences.
17. What is your go-to comfort food?
This lighthearted question about comfortable food can lead to discussions about food preferences and memories.
18. If you could change one thing about your city, what would it be?
It shows their community engagement and problem-solving thinking.
19. What is the best gift you have ever given or received?
It reveals their thoughtfulness and what they value in their relationship.
20. What are you looking forward to in the near future?
It ends with a positive note, focusing on their hopes and plans.
“These questions help us find a common foundation and each other’s interests, revealing different aspects of each individual’s personality, values and experience,” says Dr. Tugnait. Asking open-ended questions encourages more than just YES or NO NO answers, leading to more engaging conversations and better opportunities to get to know each other.
What do you not ask on your first date?
Here are some questions to avoid on your first date:
1. Why are you still single?
This means that there is something wrong with being single and you can feel the defensiveness of the person.
2. How much money do you make?
It is too personal for the first date and can make the conversation feel transactional.
3. Do you want children?
This is a topic that can cause pressure and is usually too strong for the first meeting.
4. What happened in your last relationship?
This can bring negative feelings by focusing on past relationships rather than knowing each other.
5. Do you believe in a particular religion or political party?
Avoid potentially divisive topics early unless they appear naturally.
6. How many people did you sleep with?
This is personal and can make others uncomfortable.
7. Are you meeting other people now?
It is premature to discuss exclusiveness and can be encountered as ownership.
8. Do you think I’m attractive?
This can leave others there and make you look uneasy.
9. What’s the problem?
Even if you’re kidding, this is offensive and you can start the date with a negative note.
10. Can you lend me some money?
This is inappropriate and can make it appear financially irresponsible or manipulative.
“These questions are generally best avoided as they can produce discomfort, pressure, or negative emotions,” experts say. They may be too personal, invasive or inappropriate for the first day setting. The goal of your first date is to create a positive and relaxed atmosphere where both people can gradually get to know each other. These first-date questions can instead create tension awkwardness or even end the date prematurely. It is better to focus on lighter, more general topics that allow for friendly conversations and discovery of shared interests.
Is it a big no to ask deeper questions about your first date?
You can ask deeper questions when dating is good and bad. It helps you get closer faster and see if you’re a good match. “You may have more meaningful talks that reveal something important about each other, but that can feel too quickly for some people,” the expert says. It may make them uncomfortable or lead to quick decisions.
It’s best to start with a simple topic and move slowly to a deep topic if you feel right. A deeper question might be about family, big life challenges, future plans, how they balance work and life, or what it means to them. When asking these questions it is important to make sure that others think it’s okay. Answer the same questions yourself and be prepared to ask in a friendly way, not like a job interview. Show genuine interest in their answers and mix them with fun, light stories.
Whether or not you ask deep questions early depends on how things are going. If you both look comfortable and the story becomes more serious naturally, it can help you connect better. But if you feel that it is forced, it is better to keep things light and bring the deep things to light over time.
The first date can be bothersome and exciting at the same time. Your goal is to get to know each other better, so ask the correct first date question.
