Stuck in a textationship? Know how to move beyond texting in your relationship

There is a lot of emphasis on communication to build and maintain healthy relationships. But what if your relationship is primarily based on text messages? Gen Z calls it a “textship.” This means a relationship that is limited to text communication only. In this type of relationship, you connect with people through text messages. You share details of your life with that person, big and small. Your conversations will be deeper, but your relationship will not go beyond texting or involve meeting in person. Does this mean that this dating trend is unhealthy?

What is text?

This describes the modern form of relationships in which the two maintain primarily text-based communication. They rarely avoid or engage in face-to-face interactions or voice calls. “This dynamic usually develops when individuals form emotional connections through messaging apps, but whether they are choice or situations, don’t go on to traditional encounters or face-to-face meetings,” explains Dr. Chandni Tugnai, psychotherapist and life coach.

It can provide emotional support and intellectual stimulation, but often lack the depth of multisensory human interaction. In a 2014 study published in the Computers in Human Behavior Journal, researchers found that too many text messages have relationship satisfaction and negative links.

What does the text ship look like?

Some important indications in the text are:

1. Message-only communication patterns

Relationships exist almost exclusively through written messages and are not noticeable to engage in calls or video chat. “Even when logical opportunities arise due to voice communication (such as during urgent or important discussions), they strongly prefer to stick to text messages, and are often justified by excuses about convenience and comfort,” experts say.

2. Emotional depth without physical proximity

This relationship is characterized by deep emotional sharing and vulnerability throughout the text, but there is a consistent pattern of avoiding face-to-face meetings. One or both parties may share personal struggles, dreams, and intimate thoughts, creating intimacy that exists exclusively in digital spaces.

3. Inconsistent engagement levels

Often there is a pattern in which one person carries the weight of the conversation. They may suggest starting most discussions, asking personal questions, or meeting. Others respond with minimal effort and enthusiasm, but are enough to stay connected.

4. Late night intensity

In the case of text ships, relationships tend to deepen in slow times, with long emotionally recharged conversations that create temporary intimacy. However, this does not usually take over the daytime hours when interactions are more superficial or distant.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of the text?

The advantages of having this kind of relationship are:

The advantages of the text

1. Emotional Safety Shield

Textships provide a controlled environment for people with social anxiety or trauma from past relationships to explore connections. The distance and time that constitute a response helps build confidence in expressing emotions and thoughts.

2. Schedule flexibility

Despite their busy schedules and different time zones, people can stay connected. Messages can be sent and responded at convenient times. This makes it easier to balance communication and other commitments in life.

3. Thoughtful communication

“The text allows people to carefully consider their responses and deeper reflexes before responding to a message,” says Dr. Tugnait. This thoughtful communication potentially leads to clearer expressions of complex emotions such as sadness and regret.

4. Digital Records

When people are in this type of relationship, they have a digital record of conversation. A documented history of conversations that can be reconsidered. It helps people understand patterns of communication and relationship development.

Cons of the text

There are some drawbacks to the text:

1. Emotional developmental delay

Text prevents the growth of important real-time social skills and emotional intelligence. These occur only when people are engaged in face-to-face interactions and are not just limited to text messages. It could potentially stunt the ability to build relationships.

2. False intimacy

The illusion of proximity is created by carefully curated responses when people fall into text. This false intimacy leads to an idealized version of both people involved in this type of relationship. These versions may not match reality.

3. Avoidance pattern

Avoiding talking about important things with a romantic partner is not good for a relationship. “The text can reinforce unhealthy patterns of avoidance and prevent individuals from dealing with underlying relationship fears and social anxiety,” the expert says.

4. Limited Sensory Experiences

There are words and emojis that will help you to convey what you want to say. However, only text messages in relationships lack the full spectrum of human connections – physical presence, speech tone, body language, sharing experiences. All of these are essential for deep union.

5. Time investment risk

All relationships need time to grow. “In the case of text, it can consume important emotional energy and time that can be spent developing more substantial face-to-face relationships,” experts say. If it’s not a relationship, the time spent on text can be used for personal growth activities.

Is text ship healthy?

“Texts usually pose psychological risks over the benefits of healthy relationship development,” experts say. A study published in PLOS One in 2017 shows that excessive use of smartphones for communication, including text messages, can lead to anxiety. Another study published in Communications Research in 2019 showed that face-to-face connections lead to better relationship quality than text-message-based relationships.

From a mental health perspective, these digitally-only connections can exacerbate loneliness and isolation, while also creating a false sense of emotional security. “Message notifications are hit by temporary dopamine (happy hormone), but they cannot deliver oxytocin (love hormone) release resulting from physical presence and touch,” experts say.

However, in certain situations such as long distance relationships and those experiencing social anxiety with professional guidance, temporary textual stages may help to form a more complete relationship. However, there is a need for clear intention to advance beyond digital-only interactions.

How to get out of the text?

These methods can be used to end this type of relationship.

1. Get clarity

Start by having an honest self-assessment conversation about your needs and motivations. “Recognise whether you stay in the text from convenience, fear, or authentic connection,” experts say. This clarity helps to reinforce the decision to make changes.

2. Moves beyond text

Take a gradual but solid step towards either progression or conclusion. If possible, express your desire to evolve relationships directly beyond the text. We suggest you make an audio call, video chat, or meet in person. Set a clear timeline and expectations for this progression. If others are consistently avoiding these steps, take this as a signal to move on.

3. Be honest about what you want

If you decide to end the text, please be clear and kindly inform your decision. “Ghosts should be avoided as they can leave unresolved emotions,” experts say. Send a thoughtful message explaining your position, such as: We seem to want something different, so I think it’s best for us to move on. ”

4. Create boundaries

After you communicate your decision, create boundaries by reducing the availability of the text. This may mean muting notifications, deleting message threads, or deleting contacts if necessary. Focus on building face-to-face connections through social activities and dating apps that emphasize face-to-face meetings.

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The text can serve as a shield for people with social anxiety or trauma in past relationships, but it can also allow for avoidant attachment patterns. It can hinder the development of the critical interpersonal skills needed to maintain meaningful, long-term relationships. If you decide to end the text, remember that it is not to be held responsible. It’s about acknowledging that your relationship needs have evolved beyond what a text-only connection can provide.